He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
