shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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