No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
