Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
