Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
