I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
