4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
