Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
