she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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