You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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