I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
