i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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