Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
