My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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