I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
