I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
