He passed out mid-signature
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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