Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
