I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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