i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
