I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
