Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
