i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
