Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I want to fling myself into the sun
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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