Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
