But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
