ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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