Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I didn't shave. On purpose
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I woke up under a house in Key West
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
