the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
