I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
