apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
