i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
