I just found puke in my bra..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
