I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
