take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
