My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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