If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
