lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
