Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
