if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
