I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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