my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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