I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
