she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
