Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
