Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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