my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
