Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
