Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
