My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
