I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
