Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just puked most of my soul out..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
